Around the beginning of September this year, I had what I affectionately called an epiphany. Technically, it wasn't much of an epiphany. It related to my use (abuse) of alcohol, lack of sleep and lack of fulfillment in various aspects of life, from work to romance. The epiphany was basically, "I quit." I quit dwelling on the negativity that was coming my way (either perceptually or verbally), quit filling my head with thoughts of disappointment and escapism, quit feeling completely dissatisfied without cause. I just quit. And it felt awesome. Quitting things that suck, such as those that were plaguing me, is amazing. I look forward to learning about more unpleasant things and quitting them.

While I have been traveling through the uncertainty of part time employment, graduation, and searching for a path into a future "career" of sorts, I have been grappling with understanding myself in relation to others and what I really want out of life.

I have a new spirit guide.* He is one of the many inspirations that have stumbled into my life over the years. He is Sufi, a faith I know little about but with every passing conversation we have, I become more interested in.

But yesterday morning, over a cup of coffee with the sweet smell of bark incense infiltrating American University's shiny new building, we talked about uncertainty. He rejects it, straight out. Life cannot be uncertain and whenever you feel uncertainty, he tells me, you must approach it knowing what you want and how you want the uncertainty to wash away. This is not to say that approaching uncertainty with certainty will always end in good results, but it is a step in the right direction.

And knowing what you want seems to be key to this process. I often feel that to ask for something from life is to risk losing what comes your way. More accurately, to with great expectations come great disappointments. My spirit guide is teaching me otherwise.

And it takes someone like him to get through to me. I have been privileged (a more faithful person would say blessed) to work closely with two of the most thoughtful and considerate people I have ever met. And while I am not wholly satisfied in my work, I am satisfied in knowing that the relationships between the people I work with are healthy and constructive. That's one thing to put on the list of wants. Other than that, I'm working it out still.

*In light of my distaste for naming the people in my life on a public blog, we will simply call him my spirit guide.
*Not my picture, but click on it and it will go to the Encyclopedia of the Middle East.